A Rack of Ribs

If I was forced to characterize Rich Manicotti with one word I would have to choose the word "Survivor".  When he accidentally pinched his lower lip setting the steering wheel holder he responded with the kind of intrepid heroic strength we've come to expect from Rich.  While most people would have let out a whimper and pulled off the holder - Rich attacked.  Flailing, kicking and biting Rich made that holder pay, but in the heat of battle was thrown out of the cab of the car.  At this point many would have stopped fighting and try to gain their balance - but not Rich.  He pressed the assault.  The rack seem to rise up to meet him, he flailed spasmodically in  what is now known as the "Malagoonie Manuever".  Then while inverted, he could see his next target, the floor.  Yes, it was the floor's turn to strike but Rich had the last laugh using his wrist as a blunt weapon he laid out a death blow unparalleled in floor to hand combat.  The battle was over.  Rich was injured but victorious.

Most folks think JD has become a part of the thin blue line in Moncks Corner but that's not entirely accurate.  While he did begin his new career in Moncks Corner it would appear fortune has written a different ending for our favorite Wiese-guy.  While on the beat, Bryan Singer approached him to appear in the next Superman Movie Spin off, "Super Squirt:  The Krypton Kid".  "I love the way he fills out the suit."  Said Bryan.

In 1858 Lincoln ran against Stephen A. Douglas for Senator. He lost the election, but in debating with Douglas he gained a national reputation that won him the Republican nomination for President in 1860.  As President, he built the Republican Party into a strong national organization. Further, he rallied most of the northern Democrats to the Union cause. On January 1, 1863, he issued the Emancipation Proclamation that declared forever free those slaves within the Confederacy.  But his presidency was not without the usual controversy.  In fact in recent years His presidency has been revisited by an elite group of quantum mechanics professors from M.I.T. who claim that honest Abe was actually an incredible liar - a liar from the future.

"Time machines are a fairly common nowadays.  You can buy one right off of eBay for about sixty bucks.  There is no oversight, no permits required, it's insane.  You have to buy a permit to catch a fish but not to mess with the space-time continuum!" says Professor Alvin Nickelrod, "Up until now we've never seen direct evidence of time tampering, but this is a clear cut case.  Bottle-cap eye glass technology was not introduced until the late 1930's.  Whoever he really was we may never know but one thing is certain, Abraham Lincoln was a time traveling fraud"

Hollywood Hero reported by Greg Tice, Fish & Wildlife Correspondent

Remember back in April & May, 2005?  One of the biggest news stories that year was thankfully unfolding into a miracle: 

Two teenagers are resting after a terrifying ordeal at sea. Troy Driscoll, 15, and his 17-year-old friend Josh Long were adrift in their small sailboat for six days without food or drinking water. They were finally rescued by a fishing boat Saturday, more than 100 miles away from where they set sail off South Carolina. - CBS News

They were given a heroes welcome home, a Hummer to drive, Mountain Dew for life...So what's next for the dynamic duo?  Hollywood. That's right, a feature length movie based on the whole event that captured the imagination and prayers of America during those tense months in 2005.

The cast has already been chosen.  Harrison Ford will play the intrepid Josh Long and Jackie Chan will portray the animated Troy Driscoll.  Both aging actors jumped at the opportunity to revive their flagging careers.  Josh recalls their surprise visit to his rehabilitation ward, "The nurse said there was big a surprise for me, I came around the corner and there they were.  Han Solo and that Chinese fella.  It was weird."

The movie has more than just star power, acclaimed script writer Al Reinert (Apollo 13) has picked up the project as well.

I had a chance to interview with Al Reinert recently and asked him about the film: 

Al "Well first of all, like most true-story movies this one will be based upon the events but not bound to them."

Radial Bull "I noticed the lead actors are both substantially older.  Like, a lot older.  What other deviations from the actual facts might we expect?"

AL "Greg, you'd be amazed at what makeup can do,  They can make Harrison look 17 if they wanted too!"  Laugh  "But we are targeting a more adult audience with the film, so to us a bit older is good.  We don't want this thing to come off like 'Josh & Troy's Excellent Adventure'  ya know?"

Radial Bull "Can you let us in on any other facets to the story?  I understand the age thing.  But what about their personalities, where they came from, their relationships...what happened while they were lost - will that be changed too?"

Al "Yeah.  Pretty much everything will be changed except the whole 'getting stuck out at sea' part of it.  You have to understand, those two guys are pretty boring the way they really are.  Listen.  Instead of a one dimensional boyfriend girlfriend side plot, Josh's character (Harrison Ford) will be engaged to a blind paraphelegic (played by Rosie Odonnell).  Their dream together is to have a recovery farm for abused puppies.  Josh bought the property by selling his own blood but, without his blood - the loan will default, they'll lose the farm...get it?  That's great stuff.  The chemistry between Harrison and Rosie is very tangible, hot stuff let me tell ya."

Big Tire Backing  reported by Dorian Dodd, Political Correspondent

In a bold move to court conservative business owners Hilary Clinton announced her  "National Tire Initiative".  The initiative, using an exclusive contract with Gerald's Tires & Brakes of South Carolina, would purchase safe tires for every vehicle in America every two years. 

Hilary explained, "I know I have a reputation for being far left but I am a realist, this campaign needs bipartisan support in order to succeed.  I know that the seat of conservative power and ideas rest in the south.  I also know when you think of a 'Southern Conservative' the first person anyone thinks of is Bill Watts.  This initiative is basically an incentive for more high profile conservative support."

A little known passage of 'the Donald's' book 'The art of the deal' says "Most people don't understand that I am really a private guy.  I like to disguise my appearance just to mix in sometimes.  It would be great to moonlight as an automotive shop manager or something.  I could put up some numbers let me tell ya.  I'd would just have to live two lives..."  Imagine if Trump worked for Gerald's in disguise?  Problem is he just doesn't look like any of us.

Hairstyle of the gods reported by Gene Hess, Fashion Correspondent

The mullet is back and bolder than ever.  Fashion comes and goes in cycles as a rule and a few years back mullets were nearly extinct.  Only a few, noble men were able to hold the mullet-fashion course in the face of an onslaught of $5 short hair cuts from Fantastic Sams and other fashion butcher shops.

Forget the confederate flag.  Forget country music.  Men of the south unite under your new banner - business up front and party in the back, the mullet is back to stay.

Kumho Sumo reported by James Prevost, Health & Fitness Correspondent

Many months of free lunch has taken its toll on Greg Tice.  "I wasn't really watching my weight and it was like I just exploded.  I got real fat really fast."  The speed of his weight gain was later diagnosed by a dietician team led by Dr. Chubb at MUSC as 'Devver-Roe Syndrome'.  Discovered by Louis Devver and Clark Roe.  The little known disease lowers metabolism rates as the patients expectancy of easily acquired lunch grows. 

Dr. Chubb comments, "In Greg's case it hit him hardest at work, too much free food at the Summerville location Gerald's Tires & Brakes.  We just don't see this sort of weight gain affecting Gerald's store number 2."

Festering Memories  reported by Johnny Doyle Weise, Entertainment Correspondent

When we fondly think back to the Adams Family television show most people immediately remember the unsettling character 'Uncle Fester'.  Originally played by Jackie Coogan, Fester was a quirky, lovable yet sadistic sort of family member.  What most people do not know is the our own James Bledsoe had first dibs on playing the now legendary role. 

Guy Fink, casting director, recalls "He was a natural.  His audition began when he walked in the door.  James was naturally quirky, naturally lovable and of course naturally sadistic."  I had to ask, "Why did you end up going with Coogan?"  "Well, James seem to develope an unusual attachment to the show - he kept referring to it as 'his empire' - things got real weird and we had to let him go."

Misrepresentation in the Workplace  reported by James Driggers, Lifestyles Correspondent

When Jesse's friend Don found out that Jesse had made the cover of Time he was ecstatic.  When he he read the cover he was distressed, "I was shocked, he said he was eleven years old and I took him at his word.  I thought I knew the guy, I thought we were friends."   Why, the deception?  I, James Driggers Lifestyle Consultant for Radial Bull, had to get the inside story.

I met up with Jesse at a Pokemon convention just outside of Detroit.  He was just finished trading a Peek-A-Choo card for a nice chunk of change when I walked up.  "Are you Jesse Mook?"  "Yes" he replied.  "How old are you?" I asked.   "Eleven."  He began to back away.  "Can I take a look at your wallet?"  With that request he bolted into the sea of young nerds around us and in mere moments he was gone."

I consulted with Dr. Ugo Tabee-Kidden at the brain study research wing of MUSC.  "Most victims of Patheticus Acute Neurosis or 'P.A.N. Syndrome' are fearful of aging.  They tend to lead double lives.  One personality lives in the aging world, job family friends etc. while the other stays in a self deluded state of a frozen calendar, time stops for them.  They employ any means necessary in order to halt the appearance of gain, usually special creams and lotions"

It Takes A Village reported by Johnny Doyle Weise, Entertainment Correspondent

After a decade of top ten hits the Village People have finally produced their long awaited compilation.  With hits like "Don't call me, call David", "Man it's hot out", "Man, it's cold out" and of course Josh Long's smooth vocal, "Little Dingy Blues"

Will & Grace reported by James Driggers, Lifestyles Correspondent

"I don't care what the guys might say behind my back, I am what I am." says Danny Coffman a star tire manager with Gerald's Tires & Brakes.  Trailed by flowing light green fabric Danny gracefully skates his way up Church st. leaving a wake of admiring tourists in his wake.  "Some people tone up at the gym.  I take most of my clothes off and go roller blading."